How do you know when someone is "the one"? I fret I will always doubt. When there's a fight, but you somehow make it through, does that not show that you are willing to work through the hardships, making the relationship last longer, and therefore point towards a long lasting relationship? But what about those people that move on after time? They bore of you? Do you not fear this? And after having gone through so many failures before, does this not support that the relationship may end?
But what if you didn't work hard enough to keep it going? What if, had you solved this one fight, you would have found that you would have lived your life in bliss forever, having finally figured out how to handle the differences you do have?
But when do you decide that, finally, this is the last fight you can handle? Yet does this not bring you back to the question in the previous paragraph?
How do you know someone is for real when your perspective is forever slanted towards them because of the fact that you really like them?
And when does "like" turn to "love"? When is it the for-real love and not the high school version of love that is so often betrayed and turned against?
Why is it that some people realize this love in high school, and hold onto it for the next 43 years while some people think they've found this love in college, and divorce in the next 7? Does it also relate to the fact that we have to realize and accept our differences, or is it something completely different?
When you have learned to cope with the differences and compromise, is there a point when you realize that the differences are just too much?
Why do we refuse to move on when we know the relationship is destined to fail? Is that what real love is? That no matter how this person acts, no matter what they say, no matter what, you could still go back and hug them tight, do nothing the entire night and find that you've enjoyed every minute of it despite the fact that you have nothing in common, because all they've ever done is for you. Is this love?
What is love?
And how do we know when it's real?
And how do we know when someone is "the one"?
Ouch, I sense some hard feelings in this post, or else you are just feeling really, really inspired tonight.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if I can answer all your questions, or even if I can answer any of them. I know what you are talking about, and have contemplated some of these very questions before.
First, one must be able to distinguish between love, which is usually marked by mutual understanding and daily support between two individuals, and desire, the more amorous and chemical component. Some people found a relationship based on passion with no realistic basis beneath it. This is highly unstable and not built to last, with sensory experiences reaching extreme highs and lows.
On the other hand, being able to sort out differences peacefully is a healthy strategy. Too many people forget to focus on life beyond romance and get disillusioned.
My cynical but not angry answer is: there is no "one". As much as the concept of devotion is so appealing, it's not realistic. Anyone who has family members will know that living with someone for years causes one to take for granted and even at times dislike others around them. People whose relationships are lifelong? Good for them. It just doesn't work for some people.
In terms of the "high-school variety" of love, I think there really is not much of a difference. There is always going to be the rose-colored glasses factor, in which the subject of devotion has no flaws in the eye of the devotee (sorry for odd word choice). There is also the Gatsby factor, in which the one you want turns out different from your ideal version. Love is delusional. It's NOT real. People, however, can get along on good terms without it.
Well, that's the way it SHOULD be, but unfortunately, at least as youth, humans are beings in need of a partner. We desire others physically even if there is no reason for it.
From my personal experience, I have found that love complicates lives, and should be avoided until nothing else must be focused on. It's also like a medication: it can be good if used right, but most people abuse it. (I know I said it wasn't real, but, well, that shows my convoluted thoughts on it)
Anyways, it's up to an individual to make the decision whether or not someone is "for them". If one decides yes or no, they should be willing to stick it out. Despite this, people won't. It's human nature.
In my ideal world, relationships would not require so much commitment, nor need be so deep, but would involve two people who have a lot in common who enjoy each other's company and find each other overall appealing. The deeper you dive, the more dangerous it gets.
Indeed, the most powerful post I have read all year. Very impressive. You sure improved on the post I "stole" from you.
And if a very personal, emotional experience caused you to write this, I am sorry. I hope things get better for you!
Hold on! (to what, that's your decision)
Dang.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, very thought provoking post. Secondly, holy response. This thread is full of intelligent people! Time for me to wreck it-
I have often wondered some of the same things. Firstly, is it realistic? The majority of us will go off to college and most relationships that we have will be severed. Is it realistic?
Secondly, is it worth persevering? I think that there are times where you think about breaking up with the person you like/love, but then think about all the good times you've had. Is it worth severing the relationship because of last nights fight.
Also, I think that humans tend to want what they can't have. This means that even though you have a fantastic wife/girlfriend/whatever, you will be forever unhappy (because you can't have Blondie up the street, unless cheating is your MO). SO, I don't really know if 'the one' exists.
It's hard to know.
Ironically, many of us will go off and get married... and still won't know.
Well there are different kinds of love, English is rather lacking in the extensiveness of this subject. Some languages, such as Greek, have multiple words for love. Ancient Greek has four words for love: agape, eros, philia, and storge. And, there is at least one modern Greek word for love, the one I know of is erotas. Each of which refers to different, for lack of a better term, degrees of love. So, it is a bit less of a language fail in a way that they uses different terms for it, but in the end it all comes down to the words that can be used to define it. And, what defines love, the brain. And, an interesting factoid, the chemicals that the brain releases when you are "in love" are the same that are released when you are "stressed". Also, it depends on how you define the relationship, also what the purpose of the relationship is. Again, the Greek language's words that I listed describe relationships as well. But, "love" is an arbitrary term for a feeling, "love" can be whatever you want it to be.
ReplyDelete